What is Your Dog's Love Language?

“I don't know how to train him. He's not food motivated.”

I hear some version of this fairly often.

And my first thought is usually:

Okay. So what does motivate him?

Food is convenient. Food is easy to carry around. Food is easy to deliver quickly. For a lot of dogs, food might as well be cash.

But not every dog cares that much about food.

Some dogs will perform advanced calculus for a piece of chicken.

Other dogs will sniff it, look at you like you have insulted their family, and go back to staring at the squirrel.

So now what?

This is where I start looking for what I loosely call a dog's love language.

Before anybody comes after me with a scientific journal: no, I am not suggesting that canine love languages are an established field of behavioral science.

They aren't.

I'm borrowing the idea from the popular human concept of “love languages”—the idea that people differ in how they most naturally give and receive affection and connection—and applying that concept through my own observations of dogs.

It is a framework.

A way of looking at the dog.

And after working with thousands of dogs over the years, I have found this perspective incredibly useful.

Because when you understand what your dog genuinely values, you understand something much bigger than what treats to carry.

You start understanding how that dog interacts with the world.

And that can change everything about training.

Stop Deciding What Your Dog Should Like

One of the easiest mistakes we make is deciding what a dog should find rewarding.

I gave him a treat. He should be happy.

I praised her. Why isn't she listening?

I'm petting him. Why is he walking away?

Because the dog gets a vote.

Actually, when we're talking about reinforcement, the dog gets the deciding vote.

You may think you're giving your dog a reward.

The dog may think you're touching his head while he's trying to watch a squirrel.

Those are not the same experience.

I've worked with dogs who would walk through fire for food.

I've worked with dogs who couldn't care less about the treat in my hand because there was another dog 100 feet away.

I've met dogs who practically melt when you touch them.

I've met others who like affection but clearly think we're getting a little clingy after about seven seconds.

Some dogs live for a ball.

Some live for praise.

Some want interaction.

Some want space.

Some want to sniff.

Some want to run.

Some want to work.

Some just want permission to go investigate that bush they've been staring at for the last two minutes.

Motivation is individual.

Our job is to discover it.

So How Do We Find a Dog's Love Language?

We observe.

Not just during a formal training session.

Watch your dog throughout the day.

What do they choose when nobody is directing them?

How do they greet you?

How do they greet someone they really like?

What happens when they see another dog?

How do they initiate interaction?

When they're excited, what do they immediately want to do?

When they're nervous, what do they seek?

When they're happy, what does that actually look like?

When given several options, which one wins?

That's where the good information is.

I especially like watching dogs interact naturally with other dogs.

Dogs are often very honest with each other.

One dog repeatedly initiates chase.

Another constantly wrestles.

One wants to lie next to another dog without really interacting.

One keeps bringing toys over.

Another spends half the encounter sniffing everything except the dog.

Those preferences tell me something.

Then I start asking:

Can I become part of that reward system?

Because now we're training.

The Food Dog: “Will Work for Snacks”

Let's start with the obvious one.

Some dogs love food.

These dogs are fantastic because you have a reward system that fits in your pocket.

Sit?

Paycheck.

Recall?

Paycheck.

Walk past another dog calmly?

Bonus.

Ignore the chicken bone on the sidewalk?

Hazard pay.

Food-motivated dogs are usually easy to identify. They follow you into the kitchen. They know which pocket contains treats. They can somehow hear a snack wrapper being opened from three rooms away while asleep.

With these dogs, food can become an incredibly precise communication tool.

But even here, I want to know how much different foods are worth.

Kibble might be a dollar.

A normal training treat might be five dollars.

Cheese might be twenty.

Chicken might be fifty.

Whatever disgusting freeze-dried organ you've purchased from the pet store might apparently be the equivalent of inheriting waterfront property.

Build a hierarchy.

Don't pay $100 for a $5 behavior, and don't offer minimum wage when you're asking your dog to ignore a herd of deer.

Know your dog's economy.

I will file this under the "gifts" category.

The Affection Dog: “Just Touch Me. Anywhere. Anytime.”

Then there are the lovers.

These dogs want physical affection.

They lean into you.

They climb against you.

They offer their chest.

They put their head under your hand.

They may physically push another dog away because, excuse me, that hand was petting ME.

For these dogs, touch can have tremendous value.

And we can use it.

Come when called?

Big physical celebration.

Settle calmly next to me?

Chest scratches.

Great interaction with another dog?

Come over here and let me tell you how wonderful you are (with pets).

But pay attention to how the dog likes being touched.

Humans are obsessed with patting dogs on top of the head.

A surprising number of dogs are basically tolerating this because we have thumbs and control the refrigerator. If you think about it, it can be considered "predatory" to interact this way. How do predator animals typically kill their prey? Go for the head, of course. And let's face it, even you prefer a pat on the back over a pat on the head.

Maybe your dog likes their chest scratched.

Maybe they like their shoulders rubbed.

Maybe they want their butt scratched so hard their entire back half begins malfunctioning.

Observe.

Again, the dog decides what has value.

The Praise Dog: “Please Applaud. Tell Me I'm Beautiful.”

Some dogs absolutely light up from verbal engagement.

You know these dogs.

“GOOD BOY!”

And suddenly their entire body becomes a windshield wiper.

These dogs care deeply about our social feedback.

Tone becomes incredibly important.

Sometimes I barely need food because my voice already carries value.

This is one reason I encourage people to actually sound happy when their dog succeeds.

I see people do this all the time:

Dog performs a beautiful recall.

Human:

“good.”

Same tone you would use to acknowledge that someone handed you a receipt. Stale.

Come on.

Your dog just made a great decision.

Tell them. Don't let the neighbors know, but let your dog know.

For the dog who values social praise, enthusiasm can become part of the paycheck.

And the better your relationship gets, the more valuable that social reinforcement can become. But please, pay attention to the way your dog responds to this. Your volume matters. Your tone matters. The way you move matters. Your dog may become anxious if we celebrate too hard. Find the sweet spot.

The Play Dog: “Throw. The. Ball.”

Then we have the athletes.

You could offer this dog filet mignon while holding a tennis ball and they will look straight through the steak.

Ball.

Ball.

BALL.

Or tug.

Or chase.

Or wrestling.

Or whatever ridiculous game they've decided is the greatest thing humanity has ever invented.

These dogs can be incredibly fun to train because play can become an enormously powerful reward (and it's free).

Recall?

Throw the ball.

Great obedience sequence?

Tug.

Beautiful impulse control?

Release to chase.

The mistake people sometimes make is viewing play as something that happens separately from training.

Why?

If that's what the dog values, use it.

You don't need to convince a ball-obsessed dog that food should matter more.

You already possess the Holy Grail.

It's covered in slobber and rolled underneath your couch.

Use it.

This is an "act of service".

The Social Dog: “I Want to Say Hi”

Some dogs are motivated by access to others.

Dogs.

People.

Sometimes both.

These are the dogs who think every walk is a political campaign and every living creature needs to be personally greeted.

That can obviously create problems.

Pulling.

Jumping.

Whining.

Overexcitement.

Ignoring the handler.

But instead of simply viewing that social desire as a problem, I can use it.

You want to greet that person?

Great.

Walk nicely with me.

Check in.

Wait.

Okay—go say hi.

The greeting itself becomes the reward.

You wanted access.

Your behavior earned access.

Now the thing that was previously competing against me becomes something I can incorporate into training.

That's a massive change.

This is "quality time". These dogs also prefer to be near you when at home.

The Explorer: “Please Let Me Smell That Dead Leaf”

This one gets overlooked constantly.

Some dogs are extremely motivated by the environment itself.

They want to smell things.

Explore things.

Investigate.

Move.

Search.

Follow trails.

Go through the gate.

Get out of the car.

Run into the field.

For these dogs, freedom and access are currency.

I see people dragging dogs away from smells all day and then wondering why the dog has no interest in engaging with them.

Try flipping the arrangement.

Walk with me nicely for twenty feet.

Go sniff.

Come when called.

Great.

Go play again.

Wait calmly before getting out of the car.

Okay.

Go explore.

Now obedience isn't constantly ending everything the dog enjoys.

Obedience becomes the mechanism through which the dog gets access to what they enjoy.

That distinction is huge.

Think about recall.

If every time you call your dog, you put the leash on and take them home, congratulations—you may have accidentally taught them that “come” means:

THE PARTY IS OVER. RUN.

Instead, sometimes call the dog.

Reward them.

And release them right back to what they were doing.

Now coming to you doesn't always cost them freedom.

Sometimes it creates more of it.

I would refer to this one as a "gift" of freedom. A privilege.

Most Dogs Speak More Than One Language

Of course, dogs don't neatly fall into little boxes (kind of like us).

Your dog might be:

Food motivated inside the house.

Play motivated in the yard.

Socially motivated around friends.

Environmentally motivated on a hike.

Affection motivated at night.

Perfect.

That's useful information.

Motivation is also affected by context.

A piece of chicken your dog loves in your kitchen may suddenly be worth absolutely nothing when a deer walks across the trail.

The chicken did not become less delicious.

Something else became more valuable.

That is an important distinction.

When people tell me, “He won't take food outside,” I don't automatically hear:

“My dog isn't food motivated.”

Sometimes I hear:

The environment currently outranks your food.

That's different.

Now I need to know why.

Is the dog excited?

Fearful?

Overstimulated?

Predatory?

Socially frustrated?

Distracted?

Too close to a trigger?

Understanding motivation gives me information about emotional state too.

Find the Highest-Value Currency

This becomes particularly important with difficult behavior cases.

If I'm working with reactivity, fear, anxiety, resource guarding, aggression, impulse control, or poor socialization, I need leverage.

Not force.

Leverage.

What matters to this dog?

What can I use to communicate:

That decision worked.

Sometimes it's food.

Sometimes it's distance from something frightening.

Sometimes it's access to something desirable.

Sometimes it's praise.

Sometimes it's play.

Sometimes it's being allowed to move.

Sometimes it's simply releasing pressure.

The better I understand that individual dog's hierarchy of value, the more precise my training becomes.

I'm no longer walking around handing out cookies because someone told me dogs like cookies.

I'm communicating in a currency this dog understands.

Love Language Isn't Just About Rewards

This is where the idea becomes more interesting to me.

When you understand how your dog seeks connection, you also start understanding your relationship differently.

Maybe you have a dog who doesn't constantly cuddle.

People sometimes interpret that as being distant.

But every morning that dog brings you a toy.

Maybe that's interaction.

Maybe that's connection.

Maybe that's how that dog says:

Do something with me.

Another dog follows you from room to room but rarely asks to be touched.

They just want to exist near you.

Another presses their entire 110-pound body against your legs because apparently personal space is a concept for other households.

Another stares at you, waiting for direction.

That dog might genuinely enjoy working with you.

And this is something I think people miss.

For some dogs, training itself can become a love language.

Direction.

Engagement.

Problem solving.

Success.

Feedback.

Doing something together.

There are dogs who become visibly happier when you give them a job.

Not because they're being controlled.

Because they're participating.

You May Be Loving the Wrong Dog

Here's a funny human problem.

We tend to give affection the way we like giving it.

Some people hug their dog constantly.

Some constantly talk to them.

Some buy treats.

Some throw toys.

Some take their dog everywhere.

And sometimes the dog is thinking:

I appreciate the effort, but could we please go sniff behind the shed?

Knowing your dog's love language means meeting the dog that's actually in front of you instead of trying to turn them into the dog you imagined.

Maybe your last dog loved cuddling, and this one doesn't.

That's okay.

Maybe your last dog would do anything for cheese, and this dog spits it onto the floor like a tiny food critic.

Fine.

What does this dog value?

That's the question.

This Can Transform Your Bond

Once people start observing their dogs this way, something interesting happens.

They stop interacting on autopilot.

They start listening.

Not with words.

With behavior.

You notice:

Oh. She brings me toys when she's excited.

He always leans against me after something scares him.

She wants praise more than petting.

He checks in constantly when we're walking through unfamiliar places.

She really doesn't like hugs, but she loves lying against my feet.

Those observations matter.

Because a better relationship isn't created by constantly giving a dog what we think dogs should enjoy.

It's created by understanding what that particular dog values and communicating accordingly.

And once your dog realizes that you understand how to provide the things they value?

You become more valuable too.

That's the part that matters tremendously in training.

Become Part of the Reward

Ultimately, I don't want the relationship to depend entirely on the treat pouch.

I love food in training.

I use it constantly.

But I want something bigger to develop.

I want the dog to see me as relevant.

I'm the person who provides food.

I'm the person who starts the game.

I'm the person who gives access to the environment.

I'm the person who offers direction when things get confusing.

I'm the person who helps them feel safe.

I'm the person who scratches exactly that spot behind the shoulder.

I'm the person who says, “Good,” and actually means something to them.

I'm the gateway to the things they value.

Eventually, working together becomes reinforcing in itself.

That is a very different relationship from simply waving a treat in front of a dog's nose.

Your Homework: Study Your Dog

For the next few days, don't try to change anything.

Just observe.

Watch your dog as if you've never met them before.

What gets the biggest reaction?

What do they repeatedly seek?

What do they choose?

What do they abandon other activities for?

How do they ask you to interact?

What do they do with dogs?

What do they do with people?

What seems to make them feel successful?

Then start experimenting.

After a successful behavior, offer different rewards.

Food.

Praise.

Touch.

Play.

Freedom.

Sniffing.

Social access.

See what happens.

You might discover that you've been trying to pay your dog in a currency they barely use.

The Dog Will Tell You

This isn't a laboratory classification.

There is no official canine love-language test.

I'm not going to tell you your Labrador's primary love language is “Acts of Service” because he scored 17 points on an internet quiz.

Although, knowing Labradors, his love language is probably “Whatever You're Eating.”

This is simply a way I have learned to look at dogs.

Observe first.

Find value.

Use that value to communicate.

And understand that what feels rewarding to you doesn't necessarily feel rewarding to them.

Once you figure out what motivates the dog standing in front of you, training becomes much easier.

But something else happens too.

You understand them better.

They understand you better.

Your communication improves.

Your relationship gets stronger.

And instead of constantly asking:

“Why won't my dog work for me?”

You start asking the much more useful question:

“What does my dog want to work for?”

Find that answer.

That's their language.

Learn to speak it.